there was the year
I turned the inside of my body into an ocean
filled it religiously
with which ever spirit haunted me
like a blessing or a curse
every night
then the next
a reverse drowning
trapping the sadness inside
filling it to bursting
so I would not
could not
feel its breath on my skin
mocking the memories that feed it
make it grow
like mold
like a fire
like a bruise blooming
in the house regret built
on a shaky foundation
on the shore of sea more
confused than angry
its whining windows
shrugging walls and rooms
filled with empty bottles
that clang together
a cacophony of lonely
a symphony of the misery
I have become
crashing into myself
more weary than wave
more force than fury
that year went by in a blur
twice
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